Credit Crunch to children by Tim Warton

an interesting one...read on

Dear Economist,
My young son came home from school and asked me: “Mummy, what’s a credit crunch?” How can I explain this to a five-year-old?
Ms LG, London

Dear Ms LG,

Once upon a time, there was a blameless girl called Consumerella, who didn’t have enough money to buy all the lovely things she wanted. She went to her Fairy Godmother, who called a man called Rumpelstiltskin who lived on Wall Street and claimed to be able to spin straw into gold. Rumpelstiltskin sent the Fairy Godmother the recipe for this magic spell. It was written in tiny, tiny writing, so she did not read it but hoped the Sorcerers’ Exchange Commission had checked it.

The Fairy Godmother carried away armfuls of glistening straw-derivative at a bargain price. Emboldened by the deal, she lent Consumerella – who had a big party to go to – 125 per cent of the money she needed. Consumerella bought a bling-bedizened gown, a palace and a Mercedes – and spent the rest on champagne. The first payment was due at midnight.

At midnight, Consumerella missed the first payment on her loan. (The result of overindulgence, although some blamed the pronouncements of the Toastmaster, a man called Peston.) Consumerella’s credit rating turned into a pumpkin and Rumpelstiltskin’s spell was broken. He and the Fairy Godmother discovered that their vaults were not full of gold, but ordinary straw.

All seemed lost until Santa Claus and his helpers, men with implausible fairy-tale names such as Darling and Bernanke, began handing out presents. It was only in January that Consumerella’s credit card statement arrived and she discovered that Santa Claus had paid for the gifts by taking out a loan in her name. They all lived miserably ever after

Snippets

It has been more than one and a half years since my last post. It’s not that I have lost the penchant for writing but somehow it never materialized. But finally, here I am back again penning down my experiences, thoughts and travel across three continents which have shaped my personality , attitude and overall defined Akshai as an individual.

Israel , USA and South Korea were a revelation.  Personally I prefer US to any other place in the world , but if someone asks me where I had the most fun , undoubtedly it would be South Korea. Partying all night at a disco , reaching hotel in the wee hours of the morning and being greeted by a bunch of another party revelers like us in the elevator of the hotel  , déjà vu .

I made some amazing friends on the way, enjoyed drinks with old friends and had a bit of scuffle with others, but yes it has been an amazing journey so far. Lost some one very close along the way; made out with a blonde on the flight ; had liquor at one of the most expensive places in the world (Most expensive hotel in Asia ); met a gay couple on the river front in Pittsburgh ; got almost molested by a drunken Korean women on the plane ; swam in the dead sea with three beauties ,  blonde, a brunette and an ethnic Indian(one of my closest friends and one of the coolest girls I have ever come across) ; saved by my friends from being thrashed after I snatched a cigarette from a dude in a pub in korea ; driven a mustang at 100 miles /hour on US 101 after 2 bottle of beers ,  1 peg of whiskey and 3 tequila shots ; rescued by cops after getting stuck in a snowstorm in boise(US), taught my baby cousin sister some nasty words in hindi….

It has been an eventful and wonderful journey since leaving IIT and hopefully it will carry on..

Why I love Rom-Coms

How many times have you left the theater with a feeling of Déjà vu after watching a Hollywood movie? How many times have you ever walked out of the theater with a smile on your face after watching a Sci-fi thriller or a horror flick?

Movies like books have a solitary purpose that is to provide ersatz thrill, to lift the reader/viewer from the travails of daily life. They impart an impulse, a thrust which inundate you with self confidence, esteem and makes you believe in yourself but this confidence, esteem is evanescent.

Vicarious thrill’s the USP of these mediums. Life’s a bitch as one of my friends used to say and it is these things which make us emerge from the ‘sea of troubles’ even thought it might be for just a fraction of a second.To be reminded again in the span of the movie about the skullduggery of the politicians, of people suffering from ailments in a remote part of the world; the conspiracy hatched by corporations; all of these certainly do take the piss out of the fun.

Who wouldn’t be like to be in the shoes of Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan’s character in the mail You Have Got Mail , boys and girls alike? Who won’t be able to relate to Hugh Grant in Notting Hill ? [At least I can].The catch in these movies is that I and you can relate to them; it is the common joe’s story. There have been innumerable instance where I found myself in the exact scenario, same position in which the protagonist of the film finds himself in. This is what imbues rom-coms to my heart and lastly they do provide a flicker of a hope to the hopelessly romantics like me. It is an honest confession and I do hope the readers will appreciate my candidness and in case ….[ you know my contact number right].

Well jokes apart , the USP of Rom-coms lie in the simplicity of their story line and the happy ending. Well I know that most of the Bollywood potboilers by definition would qualify as Rom-Coms , but comparing them to Rom-Coms will be like comparing an evolved species like the Humans to their primordial cousins “ the apes or the chimpanzees “ . The wheels of evolution have started rolling in indian cinema and in time they may and I do earnestly hope that they will be able to catch up with their hollywoood counterparts but till that time the schism between the two will remain.

I can think of only one bollywood movie that can qualify to be categorized as Rom-Com and that is Andaz Apna Apna. Other than this I cannot recall any other movie which even comes close enough.

Sail Away !

“Life is a strange humdrum affair where few moments of peace should be gratefully acknowledged.” –Graham Greene

I am standing at the wharf, the sun’s golden hue inundating the entire area, waiting for the ship, the ship which will carry me across the seven seas, across the tumultuous waters to my final resting place. All my friends, companions, acquaintances have congregated there to bid me farewell.

How I wish to delay the inevitable, to postpone my voyage by just a few days so that I can spend time with the people I love, the people I like. The differences which I had with them are receded to the background, their peccadilloes lost in the deep caverns of my mind and all I can remember are the times we spent enjoying each others company, playing pranks on each other & fun and frolicking in the wind.

I can see the silhouette of the ship against the setting sun. I wish to be young once again, do the things which I wanted to do but could never accomplish like an actor and touch the audience’s heart with my theatrical skills, or a glib talker so that I will be the talk of the town. How I wish to somehow turn back the wheels of time, rewind the sequence of events and go back to the past and regain my innocence, my youth .How I wish to be a teenager once again.

The breeze echoes through my ear as if giving me warning of times to come, of the storms which I have to weather alone, the battles I have to fight alone. But it promises to console and heal my heart in those times by conveying the messages and salutations of my friends , my family.

The ship is there in the harbor with its anchors down. There is neither a man nor beast aboard that ship. I am the boatswain, I am the sailor, I am the master and I am the captain. The ship obeys no other’s command except mine. I can steer it to any place I want, sail away to any destination I prefer. As I board that galley, an applause breaks out amongst the congregation that forces a glimmer of a smile on me. But it doesn’t prevents my eyes from getting wet, prevents those saline drops from blurring my vision.

But suddenly I experience a paradigm shift and realize that everyone on this earth has to undertake this journey across the five continents and the seven seas at one point of time or another. As I pull up the mast and prepare for the journey ,one of my friends shouts “ Is there anything we can do for you?”..I reply “ Yes , I want all of you to remember me by this couplet :“Whatever be the failing on his part , he was always good at his heart”

Then I sail away into the horizon.

ADIOS IIT !!!

Once upon a time we had a lot to fight for
We had a dream,we had a plan.
Sparks in the air to spread a lot of envy
We spread a lot of envy, didn't have to care
Once upon a time
Remember when I swore my love is never ending
And you and I will never die
Remember when I swore,we had it all,we had it all.

I'll sail away
It's time to leave
Rainy days are yours to keep
Ill fade away
The night is calling my name
You will stay
I'll sail away

Why I am a Cynic........

The conundrum of life is the greatest enigma of all. What is life? Are we different from the other beasts on this planet? Are we the chosen one by the almighty god? All religious scriptures do claim unequivocally that the humans are indeed unique. Are we unique in the slaughter we indulge in, in the insatiable greed we have for all things material or is it because of the consciousness which we possess?

Which brings us to the question of what is consciousness? Is it something which always prods you to do the virtuous thing or can it be shaped by circumstance. A man with a criminal bent of mind might be beset with feelings of guilt if he does an upright task inadvertently. Is it not possible that his consciousness might poke him day and night for this?

This brings to the fore another set of rudimentary questions: What is the basis of the concept of “Truth, Virtue, Evil, and Vileness”? Why is a criminal abhorred and detested? Cannot there by a society where deplorable deeds like stealing, murder are not treated with contempt but are regarded as virtuous acts and vice versa. Thus if we consider this then the whole castle of cards which is humanity comes crumbling down. Then why was this very concept of Morality, humanity et al thought of and conceived. Aha there lies the rub. It was because of the need of the hour. The human species in infancy needed it for survival and subsequent domination.

Wouldn’t it have been better if we had not evolved at all? At least the ignominy of Iraqi pogrom, the near extermination of Jews witnessed the last century could have been avoided. Albeit our species has donned the masquerade of civility, dignity and honor the truth is that we are still bestial creatures which puts himself before others .Are the upheavals witnessed in the form of wars, riots and genocide the hallmarks of an advanced civilization or the traits of a degraded one. Why is it so hard to find a person not guilty of moral turpitude? Why are we taught that one person’s joy is another mans sorrow? Isn’t success a grotesque form of misery in this age?

To a lad in his formative years nothing seems out of grasp, nothing seems impossible. Then gradually as time progresses he starts feeling the overwhelming presence of a malfeasant force which stifles his creativity, curtails his spirits and finally the lad is forced to tow the line. When will we be free from these fetters, these shackles to do our own minds bidding?

My cynicism stems from the corruption I have witnessed in daily life, the skullduggery observed and highlighted in politics, the apathy a man has towards others.

The entire system is skewed in favor of the high and mighty. My cynicism has its roots in the indifference displayed by a man when a fellow human being lies bleeding on the ground and he just walks away as he doesn’t want to get trapped in the ‘vicious circle’ of cops, judiciary et al.

Why do standards of morality differ on a case to case basis. Why are people like “John Nash :A beautiful Mind “ looked upon with admiration whereas the common joe treated with scorn. Why is that a sensational criminal story lingers on in public memory and becomes the stuff of dinner table conversations where as others are relegated to the background…….

Someone once said that “There are no permanent friends or permanent enemies , there are only permanent interest “

That is why I am a cynic…………

Chronicles of Dubyaman

Why Dubyaman ???

Because he believes that the all mighty GOD speaks through him
Because he suffers from the foot in the mouth disease
Because he is the leader of the most ignorant bunch of people on this planet
Because he has the innate ability to separate the chaff from the grain (not the grain from the chaff)
Because he is every blockhead's idol and every intellectual's worst nightmare come true
Because he is an anomaly/singularity at the highest level.
Because he has managed to clung on to his post against all odds.
To err is Bush ...to forgive Divine...!!

Bushisms : The term coined in (dis) honour of our beloved Dubyaman transcends the laws of grammers and can put even Shakespeare to shame. The linguists had to coin a new word since they didn't come under the ambits of spoonerisms, malapropoisms , technopropisms .I have collected some of the most famous Bushisms which have already gone into the annals of diplomatic,foreigh and lingusitics er sorry.....annals.

My all time favourites :

"Because he's hiding…"
—Bush, explaining why Osama bin Laden has yet to be captured

We're now saying, democracy must flourish. And as I recall from my history, it took us quite a while here in the United States, but nevertheless we are making progress."
—Bush, in a "Meet the Press" interview

"I'm looking for a good cowboy."
—Bush, in Brussels, Belgium on Feb. 21, when a French reporter asked him if French President Jacques Chirac would be invited to his ranch in Texas

"It will take time to restore chaos and order"
—Bush, speaking to reporters about the situation in Iraq

"Our enemies are resourceful and innovative and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we ."
—Bush, speaking to reporters about the situation in Iraq


PS: The second edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Phrase, Saying and Quotation recently recognized Bush's er ... contributions to the English language. Under the heading "Bushisms," the dictionary includes such Bush classics as, "We are ready for any unforseen event which may or may not happen."

Jamshedpur ....A trip down the memory lane

The beatles song that "There are places i remember ........" aptly describes Jamshedpur, the pristine little township . Jamshedpur the land of the 'latteee' , a quintessential Bihari dish ; the abode of the TATA's ; the serenity of the city ; its changing skyline but simultaneously its resiliance to hang on to its past will forever remain etched in my mind.
The whisp of modernity has definitely not stopped by in its drift across the lands in this city.
The sea of calmness pervades thoroughout the alleys , bylanes , roads , streets , every concrete structure ..........Probably the only city where epicureanism is practised by all stratas of society.
This is the place where i had my first & last d***; repercussions were quite drastic and immediate , my handset and sneakers were purloined the very next day .
This is the place where the 'trio' (Me , Pk, Bhosad) used to roam till 12 in the night in the hope of catching a sight of that rare species 'Female ' and used to come back exhausted, dejected but nevertheless the quest used to continue the next day.
This is the place where Professor Bhosad finally attained enlightenment on a cloudless night near a cactus plant(the resemblance to Lord Buddha ends over here) in the vicinity of XLRI and decided to lead the humanity out of the travails of daily existence .
The aroma of the Gulab Jamuns ,the taste of the pani puris which we used to gobble like gluttons in Jamshedpur still lingers on in my mouth.
The CCD( for ordinary mortals this is an abbreviation for Cafe Coffee Day) where we used to hang out , chit-chat over a cup of coffee , infuriate the employees over there until unless they played our favourite number seems just around the corner.
For the first time i wasn't afraid to fade into oblivion . For the first time life ceased to be a burden but was a wonderful experience to be cherished and to look forward to .It is the place where we finally became men........